keirren

I was looking at the mirror and came to observed my eyes. You see my eyes are the strongest determinator of how I was feeling. Sad to say their still gloomy as they appear to be. Certain individuals, scenario, thoughts, I believe can bring back its lost luster. It’s not that I’m not congenial of what I have right now, BUT, I just feel so empty, I feel so alone. His Love still remains, and it may never fade away.

Such as a strong title isn’t it? If not, maybe a bit. While I was
growing up, I had never really come across to recognizing what my
deepest fear was. But I always knew that I’m afraid of getting rejected
and consequently, being dejected and isolated. That’s probably the
reason why I was always nice to people. And when I work, I always
wanted things to turn out as perfect as they could be. I always wanted
people to like me, be proud of me, see how great I am. I’ve also wanted
to show them that they could not just push me around.

But then of course, as I grow older (like most of us do), I realized
that rejection, dejection and occassional isolation is inevitable (like
the most of us have). They grow irrelevant as time passes; but not
necessarily disappear. New, deeper fears just begin to pile up. They
may show us different faces like death or breaking up with someone
special; but ultimately, it’s all about the fear of losing or sometimes
the inability to give adequately.

Fearing is painful. But its realization would hurt a lot less than
the unforgiveness of the consequences of giving in to one’s fears.

Innocence is lovely.
Innocence is attractive.
Gravity is beguiling,
Sweetness is overwhelming,
No one dares to dream of it,
To get hold of its whiff.
They could only look back.
Now envy is all that is left,
But anger is more convenient.
Things will never be the same again;
No one just can have it twice.

What’s the most loving thing to do, to say, to be?